Cannot Believe This Question to Advice Column!

“Ask Amy” is the syndicated advice column that replaced “Dear Abby.” Today, I read a question that blew me away!

A 22 year-old woman has known her boyfriend for nine years, dated him for two. Of course, they live together [see my previous post: LIVE TOGETHER?  NOT IF YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM]. She wants to get married; he doesn’t. Typical scenario, so far.

Now, here’s the twist:  he’s pressuring her to have his children without marrying her.  She asks, “Am I wrong to want to be married before having kids?  Am I crazy for wanting him to propose?”


Wrong for wanting two parents? Wrong for wanting marriage when you’ve been dating for two years? The world’s gone mad when a young woman questions her own desire for a “nest” for her babies.

The columnist gives her a typical, politically correct response:  “I wish I could offer you 20/20 clarity about what pushing someone into marriage tends to lead to…” Give me a break — it leads to marriage, a marriage as likely to work as any other, as likely to end in divorce as any other, but with legal obligations from the father not always afforded by living together.  In contrast, people who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who don’t.

Amy goes on to advise, “Talk to peers…who are married with kids — or unmarried with kids — to see what their lives are like.”  What?  Nothing about the woman being only 22 and NOT wanting kids before marriage?  Nothing about the selfish, immature desire of her guy to procreate without commitment?

By taking wishy-washy, politically correct advice, this 22 year old has a big chance of ending up a single mother struggling to make ends meet, trapped by a circumstance she wanted to avoid.  What about bolstering her resolve to provide a two-parent home for her kids?

The advice columnist is so worried about pressuring someone into marriage…what about pressuring someone into the irrevocable decision to have kids?  Amy, you really messed up on this one!

3 thoughts on “Cannot Believe This Question to Advice Column!

  1. Ki Pha

    Wow, if I wanted to get married and the guy didn’t but wanted me to have his baby I would have thrown a tantrum!

    Why have a baby if you’re not ready to commit in a marriage? It just makes me wonder if he’ll commit in raising his child.

    And I feel like this Amy lady isn’t giving her a great advice. It’s more like just throwing her to the sharks to seek her own answers. If I’ve gotten Amy’s advice I would have been better off not writing to her for an advice if I could have easily asked folks I knew around me who are married and a single parent.

    My advice to the 22 yr old would have been, ask him why he would want a child and not get married. Is he afraid of commitment and losing his “freedom”? It’s not wrong and crazy to want to be married before having a child. Many women want the security marriage will bring for their children along with ah ing a two parent home so it’s not crazy to want to get married. Why would that be crazy?! Talk about it with him first of all. Get all the pros, cons, and points of views down. Make a list of what the two of you want and what the future will look like. And if he keeps on pressuring you to see it his way and doesn’t respect your belief in marriage before children then we’ll, he’s not for you. Do not give in just to keep him around, that’ll not be a healthy relationship and who knows, will you truely be happy with that. And so at that point you can either choose to stay or go.

    But anyways, I hope for the best for the 22yr old.

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