Love Boot Camp: Make Your Man Adore You With Tough Love

Copyright  © 2013 Nicole McGehee

I’m tired of women complaining about men.  Men can be bad and they can be good, but most men are direct.  Women need to also be direct when communicating with men.  For God’s sake, stop making them guess why you’re angry, or sulking, or giving them the silent treatment.  At the same time, stop bad behavior when you first spot it and you’ll quickly weed out the men who are unwilling to accommodate you.  You’ll stop wasting time on men who make you unhappy.

I started a book called Love Boot Camp, but I’m putting in in blog form because I think many women need to hear this.


Ana is a striking woman of Hispanic descent.  She’s a tall, lithe ski instructor, not a bit of fat on her even though she’s just past forty.  When she walks into a room, men notice her perma-bronzed skin and black hair.  She steals the limelight from many younger women.  To top it all off, she’s truly, deeply nice, with a great sense of humor.  But she experiences one disappointing relationship after another.  Why?  She picks men based on little more than their looks.  She has sex far too early in her relationships.  She asks for no effort from a man:  no time spent with her doing things she enjoys, no dates, no flowers – nothing.  When her one-night or one-week stands don’t call, she calls them.   When they don’t want to get together with her again, she makes excuses for them. The men change, but the endings are all the same:  tears and self-recrimination.

Maybe you’re saying, “That’s not me!  I’m in a relationship.  I just want a little more consideration from my man.  Granted your problem may not be the same as Ana’s, but the solution is the same:  backbone and clear communication.

In the following chapters, you’ll see how to pick a good guy – your good guy – from the hundreds of possibilities out there.  You’ll use tough love to weed out the rejects before you fall for one.

But what if you’ve already fallen for one?  Tell him what you want and see if he doesn’t give it to you.  Remember, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later that this guy isn’t willing to give his all to keep you.  You’ll either be surprised by how much he cares for you…or by how little he does.

CHAPTER 1 Why are All The Good Ones Taken?

Why are all the good men taken? They’re not.  They’re out there waiting for you, actually looking for you.  It seems like the good ones are taken because another woman saw her man’s potential, then decided to work with him to bring out his best.  You can do it, too!

Wait a minute, you say.  Isn’t it impossible to change another person?  Maybe.  But change your own expectations and, more important, change what you’re willing to accept, and you’ll find you’re no longer wasting time on losers, commitment-phobes, and bad boys.  Most men are well-intentioned, but they don’t know what you want unless you tell them.  What’s more, their “rules” for life are probably not the same as yours, or any woman’s.  Like the Mars-Venus guy says, they speak a different language.  So you have to translate your expectations into direct talk.  No sulking or passive-aggressive behavior, just straight communication of your expectations.  If he likes them, fine.  Otherwise, better to know sooner rather than later.

How many times have you let a relationship drag on because you were scared of being alone?  How much precious time have you wasted?  How many red flags have you ignored?  Stop it right now!  It’s time to invest in a relationship that will get you the respect, companionship and love you deserve.  That means the behavior you have to change is….that’s right – yours.

It’s hard to be alone.  You look around at a world made up of couples.  And it’s no fun to feel excluded on holidays like Valentine’s Day or New Year’s Eve.  So it can seem easier to accept inconsiderate or disrespectful treatment than to end an unhealthy relationship.  At least you have a man, right?  Wrong.  If you don’t feel valued, cherished and appreciated, then your relationship is taking from you more than it’s giving.  It’s true that some women — and men — are empty vessels who can’t get enough praise or attention.  If you’re one of those, then you need a different self-help book.  But if you’re a normal woman who just wants to give and receive love, who likes a few compliments and hugs, who sometimes needs a little spoiling and sympathy, then you should settle for no less.  You have to be strong enough to walk away from a man who’s not giving as much as you are.

The good thing about tough love is that you will end up with a guy who is also strong – in all the right ways. That’s because he’ll have the discipline, logic and resolve to recognize that your expectations are reasonable, and he can meet them.

CHAPTER 2 If He’s Late, No Date

You’ve showered, tweezed, styled and tried on enough outfits to cover your bed.  A final spritz of scent and you’re ready – fifteen minutes before your seven o’clock date.  Ten minutes after seven, and he hasn’t shown.  You wonder if he understood your directions.  But if he couldn’t find your place, wouldn’t he call?  You check your phone for dial tone.  Yep, it’s there.  Check your cell’s batteries.  All the bars are filled in.  Look out the front window.  No lurking cars or lost-looking guys.  By now it’s twenty after seven.  You tell yourself it’s his first time to your place, you can cut him some slack.

It’s seven-thirty and now you’re starting to worry.  What if he’s a no-show?  Should you try his cell?  Would that look desperate?  Could he have forgotten, misunderstood the time, the date?  Or maybe you got it wrong. You should really call him just to make sure you’re both on the same page.  You don’t want to text him because you want your tone to be just right – and you want to hear his.  At 7:40, you dial his digits.

“Hey!” he says, his tone casual.

“Um. Weren’t we supposed to get together tonight?”

“Yeah, sure…a buddy of mine dropped by and I kinda lost track of the time.  I’ll be there in a half hour.”

SCREEEECH!   That should be the sound of your mental brakes slamming on.  So stop right now before you agree to something stupid.  Instead, take a page from my friend Cindy’s book. Cindy is a twenty-five year old grad student on the west coast, the land of casual hook-ups.  But Cindy doesn’t do that any more because she got fed up with being disappointed.  Here’s how Cindy handles this kind of guy.

“No, you don’t need to come by.  Our date was at seven and it’s almost eight.”

“Hey, don’t be pissy, I just got into some stuff and forgot the time.  C’mon, I’ll be there in a few and we’ll have fun.”

Cindy, in a calm voice, replies, “By not showing up on time, and not calling, you’re telling me that my time is less important than yours, and I don’t agree.”

There are several ways a man might react to this.

1) He becomes huffy and defensive and ends the relationship – such as it was.

2) Or, he apologizes and asks for another chance.

3) He may even start out huffy and defensive, but then think over your point of view and ask for another chance after some time has passed.

4) Finally, he may show up later that evening with flowers, a bottle of wine and an apology.

This last is what happened to Cindy.  She forgave her date, and they ended up in a long-term relationship.  Was he ever late again?  Not often, and when he was, he called to tell her he was running late. Cindy’s calm logic works whether you’re meeting a date somewhere or waiting for him at home.  You might consider giving a guy twenty minutes grace if you’re meeting him in public.  If he doesn’t show up, by all means call and state your view.  You’ll quickly find out just how interested he is in you.  After all, if he can’t bother to be on time, he is self-absorbed or – to quote a best-selling writer, “He’s just not that into you.”  A third possibility is that he’s testing you in his own passive –aggressive way.  His childish message is, “You’re not the boss of me.”

In the end, though, his reasoning matters less than his actions.  He may not even fully understand his own reasoning, and you may never understand them either.  But his actions affect you.  That’s why it is important that you say something about his being late, not ignore it.  Because if you ignore this first, fundamental discourtesy, you pave the way for many other actions that will make you feel disrespected and unappreciated.

Chapter 3 Tight With a Buck?  He’s Out of Luck

You’re not a gold-digger, are you?  Gold-diggers aren’t nice and they usually end up leading shallow, meaningless, unfulfilled lives.  On the other hand, you don’t want a man so tight with a buck that he won’t ever treat you to dinner, or one who uses a calculator to divide every bill 50/50.  Worse yet, is the man who asks you for money.

There was a time when men had tremendous pride in providing for their wives or girlfriends, but many women earn as much as men or more, and those times seem long gone, at least in the world of dating.  Nevertheless, men should offer to pick up the check on the first few dates.  It is courteous for the person who issues the invitation to foot the bill, and if you made the first move, you, too, should offer to pick up the check.  But if a man is interested in you, he will pay (even if a man isn’t that interested, it’s generally accepted good manners for him to pay on the first date).

In fact, doesn’t it make you feel special when a man makes an extra nice first-date effort? If he springs for something imaginative or romantic like a carriage ride, or something that proves that he listened to your likes and dislikes, such as taking you to hear your favorite local musician, doesn’t that impress you? It doesn’t even have to be expensive to demonstrate effort:  he could take you on a picnic in a place he wants to share with you.  Thoughtfulness and effort count.  They show he holds you in high regard, that he wants to do something to charm you.

His wallet shouldn’t snap shut after the first few dates, but you need to reciprocate.  Buy the movie tickets, cook him dinner, or pick up the check.  But here’s a warning:  DO NOT under any circumstances buy him a gift at the beginning of a relationship or you might scare him off.

Balance is what’s important, not a 50/50 split, but fair balance.  So here are some warning signs that your man is tight with a buck, and will only get tighter as he gets comfortable in your relationship.

1) He never suggests going out.

2) If you do go out, he meticulously scrutinizes a bill, then tells you what you owe.

3) He gets into a lot of arguments with vendors about charges, portion sizes, or value for what he’s spending.

4) He accuses people or vendors of cheating him.

5) When he drives, he asks you to chip in for gas.

6) When paying a bill, he says he’s a little short and asks you for cash  — but, afterward, doesn’t head straight for an ATM to pay you back.

7) He always buys generic.

8) He only buys sale items, including groceries.

But, you say, what if he’s just poor and I like him anyway?  That’s fine if that’s how you want to co-exist with your man, as long as you’re aware that this will be your future once the two of you become accustomed to this behavior.  In any event, if he’s saving pennies because he’s putting himself through medical school, he may do items #7 and #8 listed above, like buying only sale items, but if he’s a tightwad, you’ll see the behaviors listed in items #1 through #6.

Remember, there’s a difference between tightwad and a poor guy cutting costs to reach a greater goal.  You can choose to stick with the latter till times get better, but dump the tightwad because times with him just aren’t getting any better.

CHAPTER 4 More Attached to Electronics Than to You?

A man used to court a woman by looking deeply into her eyes, hanging on her words, and giving her his undivided attention. He still should, despite the plethora of electronic distractions available to him.

When he enters your presence, his cell phone should be off, same with his Blackberry, I-Pod, etc. If not, he’s telling you that you are not as interesting or important to him as the electronic possibilities.

He may claim to have an important deal in the works. You may cut him some slack just this once. Only it never is just once – it’s habit. And soon you’re sidelined, an afterthought whom he glances at or touches occasionally. You see guys like him in every public venue. And you see their women either staring into space or talking on their own cells. So how is this togetherness? How can you communicate and forge a bond?

I’ll tell you how to get his attention. Get up and walk away. Stay gone for a good, long time, maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. If he doesn’t even notice, then you know where you stand with him – nowhere. But if he asks about your absence, take the opportunity to tell him how you want to be treated.

“I’ve taken my time to be here with you, and I’d appreciate it if you’d turn everything off so we can talk without distractions. It’s hard to get to know you when you’re on the phone with someone else. It’s kind of like sitting outside your office.”

“But I’m working on…”

“I’m sure you are, so maybe you’d like to get together when you’re not so busy.”

“Man, are you uptight!”

“I just think the person who is with you in the flesh takes precedence over someone on the other end of the line. It’s common courtesy and it shows that you consider my time as important as yours.”

Otherwise, the message he’s sending is, you just sit there and wait till I have time to pay attention to you. Before all these electronics, people conducted business, the world functioned, things got done. Cutting him off – or yourself – from the rest of the world for a couple of hours endangers nothing. His deals will still get done, his schedule will still run, life will go on.

After all, if he doesn’t give you time and attention at the beginning of your relationship, things will only get worse as he gets to know you and takes the relationship for granted.

CHAPTER 5 A Roving Eye, Say Good-bye

Men look at women. That’s just a fact. It has nothing to do with you personally. It doesn’t mean the woman he’s looking at is better-looking than you. If she is better-looking, it doesn’t mean he wants to dump you and be with her. But if a man is with you, he should be subtle about looking at someone else. A sidelong glance is to be expected – whiplash isn’t.

Jen, a pretty brunette in her mid-twenties, was engaged to a Mike, who used to make a big production out of staring at other women, then commenting on their assets. He’d be with Jen, yet turn around to look after a woman passing him on the sidewalk. What’s worse, he’d make his lusty comments in front of their friends.

Jen felt humiliated. She is a striking woman herself, and she resented his ogling of strangers. She knew Mike loved her, was faithful, and was looking forward to their marriage. So here’s what she told him.

“When you make a big show out of staring at other women, it’s like you’re telling me and the world that you’re not satisfied with me – you’re still searching. I know that’s not how you mean it, but that’s how it looks, and I find it embarrassing and disrespectful.”

“I don’t mean anything by it – I’m just looking.”

“And that’s fine. I look at good-looking people of either sex. Everyone does. But, I don’t make it obvious, and I don’t make comments. If you find that you can’t control your reactions, then you’re definitely not ready for marriage.”

“Jen, I love you. You know that!”

“Then it’s time you stopped doing something I find offensive and embarrassing. You can be subtle about looking at other women. You can even tell me if you think someone is pretty or has on a sensational outfit because this isn’t about jealousy. Just don’t do it when we’re with other people and, when you and I are together, be subtle. Don’t let the woman see you looking. Keep it low-key.”

From that day forward, that’s what Mike did. They ended up happily married.

So why was he ogling women if he loved Jen so much? Probably an immature need to demonstrate his machismo. At the time, he was only twenty-six years old. But some men never grow out of this behavior. It becomes a stupid habit. And it’s up to you to make it clear that it offends you and is disrespectful to you.

CHAPTER 6 Do You Take a Back Seat to His Buddies?

It’s healthy for your man to have friends with whom to share “guy time.” Hopefully, you have female friends, too.  Ideally, his friends will like you.  If  they don’t, it could be that the “friend” chemistry isn’t there.  Or, it could be they’re resentful you’re taking away their buddy.

Watch out. They’ll tease your man about you, call him “whipped,” and point out your flaws.

When my friend Ann was dating her soon-to-be husband, one of his buddy’s would drop by unannounced early Saturday mornings and pound on the door till Ann’s boyfriend, Bob, let him in.  Even though buddy boy would find Ann there, he kept doing it for about a month.  After repeated incidents, Ann finally told Bob that if he wanted her to stay over, he’d have to tell his friend to call before coming and –most important to her – to not call until noon.

Bob had to make a choice. Move on with his life so that it included a mate, or remain in the frat house structure.  Bob was 27.  He wanted to marry Ann.  He kept his buddy in his life, but set boundaries so that he could share private time with Ann.

The result?  They often double-dated, the buddy would sometimes join Ann and Bob for some “guy” activities  like pool or TV-football, and all remained friends.

If a buddy can’t handle a woman in his your man’s life, then the choice your man makes will inform you if he’s stuck in bachelorhood or ready to get serious with you.

Here are a few red flags that your man isn’t ready for a serious relationship with you:

  1. He gives up weekend nights with you on a regular basis to go out drinking with the guys.
  2. The majority of his spare time is taken up with either spectator or participatory sports that exclude you.
  3. His workaholic hours mean no time for you, but regular outings with the guys.
  4. He plans regular fishing, golfing, camping trips with the guys, but has never planned a getaway with you.

That said, here’s a caveat:  if you’re not willing to try the sports he loves, to try to learn the ones he watches, to have his friends over, to understand his interests, then you’re definitely not ready for a mature relationship either.  Life isn’t just about what you like to do.  There has to be give and take.   Besides, he may lead you to discover new, fun interests.

CHAPTER 7 Poor Me, Poor Me, Pour Me Another One

It can be hard to distinguish between an alcoholic and a guy who likes the taste and ritual of, say, a cocktail, a cold beer, or a fine wine. Alcoholics are cunning, too. They usually hide how much they’re drinking, or they may try to control it when dating a new person.

My friend, Megan, experienced this firsthand. Her new love interest would intentionally leave liquor in his glass or drink no more than she did. She discovered he was an alcoholic one evening when she walked in on him slugging straight gin from a bottle in the fridge. As this was her first close encounter with an alcoholic, she wanted to believe that AA meetings and firm resolve – along with her support – would solve his problem.  And it did, t some extent.  After a few failed attempts, he got sober.

But she didn’t know about the “dry drunk.” A dry drunk has stopped drinking, but he still has the character traits of an alcoholic. What are they:

  1. Professional victimhood. The drunk is never to blame for conflict, ant-social behavior, or lack of success. He will ascribe shortcomings to circumstances, or other people.
  2. Mood swings. There are theories in medical literature that alcoholics are trying to self-medicate to address anxiety or depression. Even recovering alcoholics can go from charming hilarity to depression with one discouraging event.
  3. Hair-trigger temper. Going back to Megan’s experience, she found that her man would not just fly off the handle. He’d keep talking and yelling until he’d worked himself into such a rage that she could not get in a soothing word edge-wise.  At the fevered climax of his anger, he’d often stomp out of the room – or the house – with slammed doors and squealing tires. Even when his anger was not directed at her, he would yell, curse, and throw things. He never did her bodily harm, but witnessing such displays of temper disturbed and agitated her.
  4. Defensiveness. Megan would often make a comment that she thought was innocuous, only to find that she had offended her boyfriend so much that he would, once again, fly into a rage, misinterpret her meaning, and twist her words.   If she commented on a project that hadn’t gone well by saying something like, “Lesson learned…guess we should try something different next time.”  He’d shoot back with, “So I’m an incompetent loser? That’s what you’re saying?”  Megan would be astonished. She had only meant that by figuring out why a project hadn’t been successful, they could make it work next time.   The upshot was that she found herself walking on eggshells around him lest she unintentionally offend him.

If you find yourself faced with these behaviors, proceed with caution, if at all.  Alcoholics can be charming, brilliant, and fascinating. A person who is genuine in trying to lead a sober life need not necessarily be abandoned.  He may have many good qualities and much to offer.  If you see any of these traits, however, realize that you will have to learn to live with them.  You will have to manage them and yourself with diplomacy and patience.  If you feel up to the task, go for it, but realize that you will have to change your own approach, think carefully before you speak, and be able to maintain your calm in the middle of his storms.

Chapter 8 Dirty, Sloppy Guy Need Not Apply

People aren’t born messy or dirty:  they’re brought up that way. Mama’s boys  who never had to lift a finger at home don’t know how to do laundry, clean toilets, or use a broom.

If you go to his place, and it looks like a crack house from Breaking Bad, realize that he’s used to living this way and he doesn’t care. Realize, too, that he has made no effort to clean up for you.

Many princesses are just as bad because they, too, never had to clean up after themselves.  If that describes you, then a filthy guy might be a match made in heaven, provided no one calls the health department on you.

If he still lives at home and isn’t asked to pitch in for chores, that’s a red flag.  Likewise, if Mom keeps the rest of the house nice, but his room is a pig sty.  That means that even Mom has given up on sonny boy and is hoping that the mess will get to him eventually, and that he’ll clean up.  Fat chance.

A mature man, one who’s ready for a relationship,  will know how to look after himself.  If he’s not even capable of doing that, he’s not ready to be a grown up, not ready for responsibility…not ready for you.  Want a lifelong project?  Want a life of burden and irritation?  Sloppy guy is your man.

First, you’ll try to impress him with how nice you can make his place look with a little elbow grease.  He’ll express appreciation and amazement.  Now, you say, all that’s required is a little maintenance.  If he’s one in a million, maybe you’ve enlightened him.  But chances are you’ve lifted the burden off Mom and taken it on yourself.  Man-child has no incentive or desire to change.

So if housekeeping is your business, or you just love doing it, a man like this may be fine for you, as long as he has other qualities you treasure.  If you’re hoping to change him, however, better keep moving.  Nothing to see here.

Realize, too, that a man who is too immature and/or spoiled to keep his surroundings decent, has probably been pampered in other ways.  He may have a sense of entitlement.  That quickly grows old.  If he doesn’t even bother to impress you at the beginning of the relationship, he’s unlikely to get better.

Still not ready to give up?  Go ahead, talk to him.  Show him what you want. Tell him you like a clean bathroom and kitchen, at the very least.  Give him the tools to do it:  the Scrubbing Bubbles, the scouring powder, the glass cleaner, the sponges.  If his place returns to filthy, you’ll know he’s a hopeless case.

The next move is yours.

Chapter 9 Manners Do Count!

My friend Kate, age 32, is attracted to bad boys, as are so many women.  A little scraggly, a little shady, her boyfriend, Rob, can be mysterious in a spicy way.  He can be loving on rare occasions, but is aloof much of the time.  He’s often unreliable, but reliable enough to keep her hooked.  He smokes, of course, dresses in jeans, old T-shirts and a leather jacket.

Sounds like a typical 20-something, right?  Well, Rob is 41 years old.  He has a cool job as a sous-chef, which means plenty of late nights, lots of drinking, rough language and more than a little misogyny.  There’s a certain glamour to that picture, isn’t there?  At least there was until Kate took Rob home to meet her folks.

His devil-may-care, slicked back hair just looked greasy.  His ripped T-shirt looked sloppy.  His rough language made her parents cringe, and Kate couldn’t ignore the shock and disapproval on their faces.  All of a sudden, she was excruciatingly aware that he smelled like an ashtray.

To make matters worse, he had bad manners.  He nodded upon being introduced to her parents, rather than shaking hands.  He sunk into her father’s easy chair without waiting to be invited to sit down.  He ignored the glass Kate’s mother brought for his beer and drank from the can.  He began eating before his hostess, made no comment on the food, and did not offer to help with clean-up.

Seen through her parents’ eyes, Rob — for the first time — seemed repulsive.  Her parents didn’t need to voice any criticism.  Kate realized for herself that Rob would never fit in with her family. Maybe his demeanor would have been perfectly acceptable in another family, but not in hers.

It’s not so much a matter of  good vs. bad manners, but about having compatible ideas about manners.  Kate never met Rob’s family, but if they were like him, they might have found her uptight and pretentious.

If you’re not comfortable introducing your man to family and friends, then he’s simply not a good fit.  Unless both of you are up for a makeover, best to end the relationship.

Chapter 10 Listen to Your Mama

Up until now, I’ve told you about the dating experiences of my friends. Now, I’m going to tell you about mine.

My late mom could size up a person’s character in five minutes.  She was never wrong.  Never.  I dated men of many colors and nationalities and my mother never made judgments based on culture or color.  That’s not to say that appearances didn’t count.  If a man was polite, well-groomed and well-dressed, he got extra points.

She correctly predicted who would be reliable and who would dump me: her version of, “He’s just not that into you.”  She knew when a guy was lying or making excuses and when he was sincere.  She would say things like, “I just don’t trust him,” or, conversely, “He’s a good boy.”

When I met my future husband, Michael, he immediately began hot pursuit of me.  I just wasn’t that into him.  He wasn’t my type.  My mother knew that my type had thus far proved unreliable and, in her opinion, unworthy of me.  By the time I met Michael, I was 24, and had never really been in love.  I had certainly wanted to be, and had tried to convince myself that I had loved one long-term boyfriend.  The truth was, though, that I was a complete stranger to being in love.

My mother at once recognized that Michael was different from any man I’d previously dated.  He called when he said he would, was always on time, and invited me out often with plenty of advance notice.  I toyed with the idea of breaking up with him because I wasn’t that attracted to him (even though he was handsome.)  My mother said, “Just give him a chance.  You don’t have to marry him.”

She had been right about so many other men that I took her advice.  Michael was a gentleman  and I knew he wouldn’t rush me into a physical relationship, so he unknowingly — or perhaps knowingly — gave me the time and space to grow my feelings for him.  For the first couple of dates, he didn’t even try to kiss me good-bye at the end of our date.  Then, on our third date, we were at the grocery store shopping for a picnic and he gave me a peck on the lips.   I wasn’t expecting it and I was surprised at how pleasant it was.

Well, we went on our picnic.  We kissed in earnest, and I literally seemed to hear bells.  I knew I could love this man, or at least be wildly attracted to him.  His kindness and patience — and his passion for me — made me fall in love with him.

We were married for 14 years, until he died in a car accident (see blog post COINCIDENCE OR PARANORMAL ACTIVITY).  I cannot imagine a happier marriage.

My mom adored him, and she was right.

The fact is, our parents have met many more people than we have.  They’ve been burned, disappointed, cheated and delighted more than we have.  Their experiences make them better judges of character.  So unless your parents hold racial or cultural prejudices for no logical reason, they can probably judge a man’s character better than you can.  At least listen with an open mind.  They could save you plenty of heartache.

From now on, realize that if you put up with unacceptable behavior when the relationship is new, you’ll just get more of the same.

From now on, resolve not to be so desperate for a relationship that you put up with bad behavior.

From now on, resolve to view your relationships with a clear eye. Recognize bad behavior, call it what it is, don’t make excuses for it, and end the relationship as soon as you recognize the behavior won’t change.

From now on, honestly assess if a man likes you or if, instead, “he’s just not that into you.”   If you always have to initiate time together, if you always contact him first, then “he’s just not that into you.” Cut him loose before you really get hurt.

From now on, listen to your friends and family if they criticize a guy you’re dating. They’re more objective than you are.

From now on, resolve that you will not put up with humiliation, unreliability, or rudeness.

From now on, give nice guys a chance as you realize that brooding, bad guys are the most insecure lot out there.

From now on, admit to yourself that there is a difference between men and women, and that men still like a little challenge, a little chase, and firm boundaries. Don’t be so eager, so quick to say  “yes.”

From now on, realize that respecting yourself is the most important step in setting the groundwork for a relationship.

From now on, decide what you want from a relationship, what makes you comfortable, and hold out for a man who wants the same things.  You must decide what you want before you can ask for it.

From now on, ask for it.

For more on the right and wrong way to handle your man, check out my romantic fiction:



7 thoughts on “Love Boot Camp: Make Your Man Adore You With Tough Love

  1. Love

    With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation?

    My website has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either authored
    myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it
    up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any ways to help stop content from being ripped off?
    I’d truly appreciate it.

  2. Morrie

    Thanks Nicole. This applies to both men and women. Say hello to David for me. Blessings to you both.

  3. Anna

    Hey Nichole how do you enforce boundaries without sounding like a nag.In my last relationship my exboyfriend would be hot and cold, never affectionate or buy me flowers (not even for my birthday), late on dates,like other girls pictures on social media and not plan any dates.Yes that shows he was not that Into me, but I just want to know how to deal with enforcing boundaries without nagging?And how to make a guy adore you?☺️

  4. nicolemcgehee Post author

    You won’t sound like a nag if you stick to your “boundary” because you only say it once. For example, he shows up half an hour late. Be civil, don’t raise your voice, but don’t let him in. Tell him you have other plans. Never beg…it’s a turnoff and sounds like nagging. If you keep control of yourself, you maintain the upper hand. After you announce your other plans, leave. Go to a Starbuck’s or a book store, or maybe to a friend’s house. Could this result in a break up? Absolutely, and you’re well rid of him.
    As to your second question: how do you make a man adore you? You can’t. Instead my advice results in you weeding out the guys who really “aren’t that into you,” which leaves you open to finding the one who is! Maybe it IS the guy you’re currently dating, and he just needs to be reminded not to take you for granted. That’s where the methods I outlined on my blog come in. But you always have to be prepared to WALK AWAY if a man is not treating you well.

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